And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
That's how pantless uber rides happen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
