proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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