well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
