i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
