Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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