I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
