You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
