Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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