she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
