I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize