he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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