Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
