my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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