Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We talked him into tasing himself.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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