Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
