when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
