Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
