A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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