My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
