How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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