Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
