someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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