If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
