Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
