Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
