Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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