I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
