my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
