who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
