pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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