Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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