whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
