yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
