Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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