seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
