I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize