So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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