I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
