Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
