The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
