so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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