The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
