Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
