i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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