woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
