I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
