I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize