she woke up with a sticky ear
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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