This is not my ceiling
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
