You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
