I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
