Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
