I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
