how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
