fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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