is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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