did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
