The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
