I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
