im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
