you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
