You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
