We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
