I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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