New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
