When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love you. Go after that dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
