i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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