singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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