I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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