he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
