My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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