I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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