At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
