i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
