I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
50% drunk capacity currently
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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