I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I didn't notice because vodka
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
