Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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