You're my little dorito
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
