whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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