We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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