I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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